Late Isa Funtua!


This afternoon at the Federal Executive Council meeting inside the Presidential villa, the president and his ministers paid tribute to his best friend and closest confidant Mallam Isa Funtua. As usual all sorts of glowing tribute was poured out in the typical Nigeria fashion of always mourning the dead perfectly. They had to, for Mallam Isa Funtua had risen to become the most powerful man in Nigeria; he had Ministers and top Government officials queuing up to see him. They would go to his Abuja house and sit down endlessly for hours waiting for him him to round up with whoever he was seeing at such time and attend to them. He was that powerful and far much more.

The former Minster of Water Resources in the second republic was already BROKE by the time Buhari won the 2015 election. He was in serious and obvious financial woes and was unable to repay the various loans he took from the bank and had to be dragged to court. It was whilst this was on going that his bestie Muhammadu Buhari won the presidential election in 2015 and he positioned himself together with Mamman Daura and Abba Kyari to become the most ruthless, selfish, greedy, incompetent, shortsighted, condescending and roguish power mongers in our entire political history.

He strategically choose the CBN and bared his fangs on the apex bank in the most audacious and unforeseen manner. His nefarious dealings with the CBN is a story told like tales by moonlight in almost every household, offices and media houses, WhatsApp group and even amongst the most elitist in the Nigeria society. Despite the fowl scented truth all up in the air, very few online media had the guts to openly call out this criminal of unimaginable proportion. No mainstream media house could do the story for fear of being dealt with until a US based Journalist took the bull by the horn and dragged Isa Funtua and his entire family into the market square and forced them to ‘dance naked’ for all to see. In a well detailed write up laden with impeccable empirical evidences, the Washington based journalist told the story of how Billionaire Isa Funtua had literally put the CBN in his pocket.

He would ask the CBN for hundreds of millions of dollarssssssss at very ridiculously low rate and them take same monies to the black market and sold it to the Bureau de Change guys at the going market rate. It was the type of FOREX ROUND-TRIPPING never seen in the history of this country. According to the journalist he and his family was so neck deep in this that they would actually dictate to even the CBN who and who to give forex to Daily Mail did an investigative report of Isa Funtua’s forex round tripping and their finding were to put it mildly shocking; all the prominent BDC guys in Wuse Zone 4 Abuja who are in the business of buying and selling dollars gladly chorused his name as the man to see for the best dollar rate in Nigeria. Infact they nicknamed him “CBN Governor” on account of the volume of forex he illicitly brings their way. It was the proceeds of this forex that he and his family used to procure mobile network Etisalat now known as 9 mobile for $300m. It was also this proceeds that he used to procure Keystone bank. It was also the same proceeds that his son used in buying two private jets at the same time! Who buys two private jets at the same time in Nigeria?

If not a money miss road who is drunk on his loot. He has bought up so many landmark properties just within the last five years that he might actually surpass Bola Tinubu as the biggest landlord in Nigeria. CBN is his LAP DOG! Isa Funtua was taking out dollars forcefully from the apex bank in a country where importers of goods and genuine businessmen struggle to access dollars for their businesses. Isa Funtua was taking out such voluminous amount of dollars from CBN to lavish on private jets in a country where the Federal government couldn’t even feed the poorest citizens during months of lockdown. Isa Funtua was taking out hundreds of millions of dollars barefaced from CBN in a country where returnees from London, US and Asia during the lockdown were asked to pay for their flights and feeding expenses. Isa Funtua is the worst of ROGUES!!!!!! and I stand to be corrected.

He didn’t stop at forex round tripping o. According to the US based Journalist, he forced the CBN to award his company a N30,000,000,000 contract for the construction of the CBN car park extension. You want to build a car park extension for CBN staff at the cost of N30billion! Please what type of cars are they going to park there? Diamond encrusted cars? Or personal private jets of CBN staff? How do you build a N30billion car park extension in a country that is officially the poverty capital of the world??? The entire contract violated the constitutional requirements as stipulated in the Procurement Act. Regular CBN contractors said the project was never advertised talkless of bid document being sold nor did CBN ask Contractors to submit an Expression Of Interest as is usually the norm. Funny thing is that if a proper check is done, his company would have been mobilized to the tune of 70% or even more this one is not your regular contractor o, Isa Funtua until his death can be described as one of the owners of Nigeria under this Buhari Government.

This contract was so preposterous that the then Chief of Staff Abba Kyari was said to have summoned the CBN Governor immediately he got wind of the deal; to explain the madness. I guess that one felt outsmarted by Funtua according to the reports he couldn’t do anything to stop it, na inside the same bag all of them dey sleep. So disdainful and arrogantly confident was Isa Funtua that he went on a live TV to brag that “there wasn’t just a cabal in the presidency but that he was the cabal” and we should deal with it. In that interview he went on to drag the entire Igbo nation; he said “Igbos should first belong before clamoring to be president”. As in the Igbos are not yet ready? Coming from a man who is not even a Nigerian is just too telling; to those of you who don’t know, Isa Funtua is from Niger Republic! Unfortunately we have a very broken system especially up north so even Bandits and criminal herdsmen from sub Sahara Africa can stroll into Nigeria and eventually make it to the House of Representatives, Senate, Governor, Minister and even President.

Some weeks weeks ago he secured a court injunction against the US based journalist which was meant to stop the scandalous publishing of his financial heist on CBN and the further outing of his criminal financial empire. As he didn’t have any address for the journalist, he asked the court to allow him serve the journalist on Twitter. The did and went home thinking that he had tamed the young man. Unfortunately for him he was up against a Maaaaadddddd man. The journalist first replied that the Nigeria judicial system doesn’t not have a US valid visa and so it’s not enforceable in the US. He went ahead the next day in a very unprecedented manner and put out a world class and highly documented exposé of how the Funtuas have raped Nigeria financially and Isa Funtua was infuriated by no small means. He actually told a Senator last week that any day he catches the journalist he will so deal with him. When a man this powerful in Nigeria makes such a threat it simply means, “you will be taken off”.

The Senator also passed his message to the target four days later Isa Funtua joined his ancestors and by now should be on transit in purgatory where he will be checking to see how many of his dollars came with him. I watched his funeral yesterday as he was laid to rest and I though aloud, “how do these psychotic individuals don’t see the bigger picture in life”. Amongst the cabal he was known and nicknamed “Maradona” on account of the fact that he is a skillful planner; he knows how best to tame the opposition, he knows how best to tame the Revolutionists; which was why he went to see Sowore in prison and arrogantly asked him to bury his idea of a better Nigeria. According to Sowore, “he was a very condescending man”.

The man was the dictionary definition of Pride and unbridled arrogance even as he vehemently opposed restructuring the country. You can NEVER Rest In Peace if you killed the destinies of so many innocent Nigerians. His family can keep their loot and enjoy it on behalf of their father. Monies you can’t use to better your adopted hometown Katsina even as you watch Bandits and criminals make meat pie out of your people, is not money but a generational CURSE! We haven’t even heard half of the story, the depth of Isa Funtua’s lootocratic empire will resurface in full force whenever these bunch of Shakespearean clowns are out of power.

For those who understand and can perfectly interprete body language, this is a picture of the late Isa Funtua and the Central Bank Governor, you can give the picture your own interpretation; as for me it’s a Master/Servant relationship. May any job we do in this life never erode our human dignity.

Disclaimer: The image is taken from the internet and assumed to be in the public domain. If this breaches the copyrighted material, kindly note that the break of the copyright is not intentional and non-commercial. The copyrighted material in question will be removed upon request and presentation of proof in that case, please contact me via the following email:;



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