Most marriages don’t always fail because of lack of love. Most couples get married because they love each other. If love alone can make a marriage successful, most marriages wouldn’t be ending untimely the way they do. 

One of the major reasons why marriages fail is because couples stop doing and saying what they used to do to and with each other when they were still single. The truth is, if not for certain things that people do and say to and with each other when they were still single, they wouldn’t have ended up being married. 

While people are still single, they deafen each other’s ears with, ‘I love you and I love you, too’ whenever they want to end a phone call conversation but as soon as they get married, saying that to each other becomes an abomination. How many of you married folks still tell each other that after marriage? 

Before marriage, most ladies play the loyalty and respectful roles but as soon as they are married to a man, they become disloyal and disrespectful. They try to raise shoulders with the man they are married to. How many of you married ladies still maintain the loyalty and respectful roles after marriage? 

Before marriage, you were more romantic than Romeo and Juliet. You spoil each other with romantic words. You call each other pet and ‘sweet’ names. After marriage, ‘viammmm’, your ‘romantic-ness’ becomes an illusion that never and shouldn’t have existed. You will start calling each other by your children’s name, ‘Mama Funke, Baba Joe’ and other times, the men call their wives, ‘woman’. How many of you married people still call each other sweet pet names? Are your words still as romantic as they used to be before marriage? 

What of men? Some men before marriage will sometimes wash their lady’s wears when still single. That was why the ladies in question boast of their men when other ladies complain of their men being too masculine for their liking. That was also the reason why the friends to the ladies who talked good of their assisting men felt jealous and wished they could be as lucky as their bragging friends. How many of you men still do that after marrying the lady? 

What of communication? Even in your busy day, you still created time to call each other from school, business or work when you were still single. You were never too busy to call each other. Is it still so now that you are married? Don’t you blame it on a hectic day? 

You used to disturb her, collectively visiting her family members (parents in particular) when you were still single. You don’t even want her to go alone without you. You told her that her parents are your parents. Her everything is your everything. That may have been one of the reasons why she chose you amongst others who were too authoritative and isolating. Is it still same now? Don’t you dictate to her when and when she should and shouldn’t visit her parents after marriage? Is visiting with her an option those few times you reluctantly allow her? 

You used to take her out when you were still single. You were not as financially buoyant as you are now, yet, you still somehow took her out for shopping and to eateries to eat and drink together. Work never gulped your time. You still somehow squeezed out time to achieve those things. What of now that you are married? Do you still take her out? When last did you even buy her a gift aside festive dates? 

The list is endless

Ladies and gentlemen, it is unspeakably dangerous to do what you wouldn’t dare to do when married while dating. If you cannot dare it in marriage, don’t start it while dating. You won’t be doing yourself and your marriage any good by being so self-deceptive. That is, realness and transparency are prerequisites to any successful relationship (being it dating, courtship or marriage). Don’t betray yourself just to make him/her see you marriageable. I keep on saying that, no matter who you are as a person, you have a pair somewhere; someone who fits into your personality; someone who wouldn’t mind; someone who would accept you just the way you are. The keywords are, “BE REAL; BE YOURSELF!’ 

To whom that is married that it may concern, take a short journey to the past(your dating days), you will see that a whole lot has changed. You will discover that, you have totally stopped doing and displaying those things that made him/her chose you for marriage. You will notice that, you are now a total stranger. Why not resume what you stopped and see if the glory of your marriage will not be restored? 

Most of the issues people face in marriage are not spiritual. Hence, fasting and praying become redundant. Trying to solve a decisive and habitual issues with spiritual approach is foolery and self-deceptive. 

For all it worth, marriage is not for you if you are not mature enough to identify the root of issues in marriage and solve them using relative approach(es). 

It is my earnest wish that, this post will sink into the head of at least one married reader who is a victim of the aforementioned to make amends. Nothing gives me joy than seeing almost collapsed marriages spring forth like giants; seeing the lost glory of marriages restored. 

By Olubunmi Fagbuyiro Befine

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